My Son Has Gambling Problem
If you have a family member or a friend with a gambling problem – and you ignore it – you're making a risky bet. Particularly if that person is heavily involved in your life, since his or her. If you have a gambling addiction, you may feel an uncontrollable urge to buy lottery tickets, visit casinos, play slot machines, bet on sports, or gamble online. The specific type and frequency of.
Hi everyone,
I posted here about a week ago. My son is addicted to gambling. A week ago he was going to stop. Now he is going to 'get it under control.' It is impossible to talk to him about this horrible addiction ( compulsive gambling ) unless he comes to me first. And, unfortunately, that is when he has lost. I do not know what to do to help him. How do you watch a loved one destroy himself?? I can barely function. I live 100 miles away from the nearest Gam-Anon, and their meetings are on an evening when I can not go due to work. My son will not ask for help. He is young, proud, and, I imagine, afraid. Thank you for listening.
Some warning signs that your child might have a problem with gambling can include the following: sudden changes in the amount of money your child has, your child being short of money, or your child borrowing or taking money from family and friends. Gambling is different to other addictions because of its association with money and what money can provide. In your son's case, he thinks that money will bring him a status he doesn't have.
Jane
Maybe it would help if you found an ex-gambler that could give him some talking to, or show him some people that are in deep in gambling and ask him if that is how he wants to be.
Just a suggestion.
Thank you for the suggestion. I do not know any one, but perhaps I will try to find someone. It is a good suggestion. I am open to any suggestions. At this point I am desperate. I am sorry, I know I need to try to live my own life. I try. Most of the time I do, even if only barely. Sounds terrible, I know. I have got to figure out how to deal with this. I wish I did not live so far from any help.
Jane
Hi Jane,
I am a Compulsive Gambler... but can help you. I know that sounds very weird, but I've have 9 years of experience working in a support group for acting out kids and adult kids. Every addiction imaginable, murder, gangs, runaways and mental illness... you name it. So... If you would like I can help you through this.
My heart goes out to you.
Terri
Hi Terri,
Thank you for your offer to help. I very much appreciate it. I know I should not let this affect me so, but at this time it is. I feel for you, a cg. We are all in this together. I hope to help others, also. Do you have any suggestions? Yes, I do need help through this.
Thank you. Jane
I printed some of the pages off of this message board and showed it to my husband and let him know that I joined - I did not say much more than that but he did seem kind of interested and then when he wanted to try 'the allowance idea' he kind of hinted that I should post that question to see the feedback that I got and he really liked a couple of your guys responses - So, try it out. Don't badger him with it - just hand him some pages and let him read - Maybe he'll join.
God Bless and Protect Us ALL - Take Care.
Anita
Hello Anita, and others,
My Son Has Gambling Problem Occurred
I have told him about this site. At the time he was determined to quit. He said he would check this site out, but he did not. Now, a week later, he is giving into the impulses, and says he will not. He says he can quit, or 'control' his gambling on his own. He cannot. I am terribly frightened for him...
I just had a thought. I have asked my son to visit this site. At first he said he would, a week later 'no.' (As I believe I said already) Do any of you have an idea on how I can, or if there is something I can say to him to get him to come to this site? I am careful with what I say to him, I do not tell him what to do. Only try to suggest. Right now he seems to be literally going crazy, because he is trying to stop.
Thank you again, and the best to all of you. Jane
Hi Jane, I'm a Compulsive Gambler.
It's unfortunate, but most of us can't get help until we admit we are powerless over gambling. Any thoughts we have that we can control it or limit it is really just another way the disease warps our thinking. And yes, he probably is literally going crazy...I was totally shocked at the feelings of withdrawal I had when I first became gambling-free.
My heart goes out to you...keep coming here for support!
Take care. Shelley.
Hello,
I am trying to understand this addiction (compulsive gambling ). It is hard to understand. I would understand more if I were a cg. I have never had the desire to gamble, drink, or do drugs. I do not understand why some do, and some do not. I know we all have difficult things to deal with, why some of us turn to something destructive, and others don't I do not know. There are those studying this. Our brains are all different.I know no one starts gambling for the reasons they now gamble, if they are a cg. My son started, for one reason, simply because it was there. EVERYWHERE. We live in Nevada. He makes bets on sports. He knows a lot about sports.
He won a lot of money, at first. He saw a program on t.v. about people making a 6-7 figure living betting on sports. That did it. He thought he could become wealthy. Others do. Yes, they actually do. But what kind of life do they have? Are they able to keep families? And, what is the percentage of those that do make a living at this? VERY small. Now he is addicted, and it is, perhaps HAS, destroyed him. He is very young (20's). When his brother was in college I went to an orientation at the college. They told us that college students' (there) biggest serious problem is not drinking, is not drugs, it is gambling. This is SO terrible. I wish the absolute very best for all of you. Hang in there. You deserve a good life. I do not think I can keep coming here and laying my problems on you. I will keep you in my thoughts, and prayers. I simply am feeling too down, too lost, to burden you who are dealing with this demon.
Shelley, artist block is when you are an artist, and you do not do your art. I teach art classes at the community college---I paint for class because I have to. But my own work, it does not get down. My worries get in the way. I have won many awards with my art, could do a lot with it. But my heart is just not in it.
I am sorry for the down mood today. I feel I may never get my son back. I am scared, and, as I said, will not bring this to you. I really do wish all of you the best. Please keep doing good.
Jane.
Jane,
please don't pull away from the site...no matter what you are feeling there is someone else out there who feels the same. Maybe there are other Moms out there who have been here and read your posts, not thinking to reply, but taking comfort in knowing they are not alone. You are feeling lost, scared and depressed. I can't possibly know what you are going thru because I'm on the other side of compulsive gambling, but I do know that it's times like this we NEED to reach out for help. You mentioned that the nearest Gam-Anon meeting is miles away? There should be a phone number, for you to get in contact with someone from the group. Please try...even if you can't make a meeting, maybe there is some alternative that is available. Just call!! Make that one small step to help yourself feel a little more pro-active in this problem. As a CG, I have absolutely no idea what the basic program is for Gam-Anon. I wish there was another member here that was involved in Gam-Anon.
Please don't stop posting. Share your feelings, no matter how hard it seems. You are NOT burdening me! The more I progress in my recovery, the more I want to help others recover...and that includes those that are affected by a CG. Please, Jane, just try making the call to Gam-Anon. You have nothing to lose but a little long-distance charge, and maybe everything to gain.
Take care of you.
Shelley
Boyfriend has an online poker problem ›
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my son
By jane - Posted on December 31st, 2007
Tonight I was reading the posts on Paul's blog, and saw the gambling helper web address. It reminded me of how I met Paul---it was at the gh site. I posted here often, about my son, who is bets on sports. I am not sure anyone will remember; or if anyone is here any longer. It does not look like the site is active. Paul and I communicated often, and he was a big help. As were others here. Here is an update:
My son tryed to quit off and on for some time. Then one day he decided to go to GA meetings. His father and I went with him the first day. He and his father cried at the meeting, hearing what they were hearing. I had already heard such stories, and it was not such a shock to me as it was to them. My son kept going, and it did help. Then he stopped going very often.
Then-------------almost two years ago a new treatment center for gambling addiction opened in the town where he lives. His father and I asked him if he would go, and he said yes. And, he did. He attended meetings there four evenings a week, and 3 evenings a week he went to GA meetings. The treatment program was for about 2 months. He never missed a meeting. I attended meetings for family members twice a week, driving almost 100 miles one way. The more I learned about the addiction, and also the role his father and I had in it (enabling, etc.) the better we were able to help him. (And ourselves.) The treatment center was a life saver. One of the good things about the center, it only costs $5 a meeting. If you do not have the $5, you do not have to pay. They really do want to help the cg. After finishing the program my son turned his finances over to me. I handled his finances for about a year, and now his girlfriend does. He has had one relapse in the last year, but is doing very well. I see the son I had before this nightmare returning more every day. There is hope.
jane
I am so worried about my son. He has had a gambling problem (sports betting) for approx. 6 years now. He is in his early 20's. He never has any money. He has a good paying job, but looses most of what he makes gambling. He really is such a good person, and this addiction that is destroying him is breaking my heart!
He called tonight and told me he had gambled again, and lost. He did not tell me how much. He has been loosing around $1,000 each time he gambles and looses. He indicated it was around this amount. For the first time he said he has decided to never gamble again. In the past he has said he has confidence he can get this under control. He was very upset, as he always is when this happens. I know he means it when he says he has decided to never gamble again, but I am so afraid he will not be able to. He has gotten an extension on his car payment, delaying his payment for a month. I am afraid the day may come that he looses his car, and consequently, his job. He is so young to have such a TERRIBLE addiction! But then, I suppose age has nothing to do with addictions.
Do any of you have any advice on how I can help him follow through on his desire to stop gambling? I want to help, but do not know what to do next. In the past I have suggested Gam. Anonymous. He has said he would go if I want him to. I have told him he needs to go if HE wants to. Maybe this time he will go. Does it really help? He is a very proud young man, and a kind, caring person who wants to do well in life. He worries so much about others; he really needs to take care of himself first.
I know I am probably rambling on here. I am so at a loss as to what to do. It hurts so bad; I am so afraid for him. Concentrating on my daily responsibilities is very hard. At times I think of resigning from my teaching position at a local community college, and just isolating myself from the world. A terrible thought, I know, and of course I could not give up and do such a thing---but at times one feels like it. I feel for all of you who have this terrible addiction. I admire all who have found the way and the strength to overcome it.
Please, if any of you have any advise as to how I can help my son, I would be thankful.
I have the book, 'Don't Leave It to Chance, A Guide for Families of Problem Gamblers', by Edward J. Federman, Charles E. Drebing, and Christopher Krebs. It is a good book. I have not read all of it though. I also have the book, 'Love First' by Jeff and Debra Jay. It is a book on alcoholism and drug addiction. However, it was recommend to me for gambling addiction. It is a book on intervention help. Perhaps I will spend the week end reading these two books, and will have a better idea on how to help my son.
Thank you for this forum that I have found tonight.
Jane, Friday January 28, 2005
04:51 AM EST
Hi Jane and welcome! I can relate to your son putting off the car payment because I am digging out of this hole right now. Your son is very blessed to have a parent who wants to help. It sounds like you are doing your homework about this disease. GA although I haven't been to that particular 12 step meetings is a good place for your son to learn he is not alone and to find support from other gamblers who are one day at a time trying to stay away from gambling
You are right this disease does not care how old you are and it comes in all shapes and sizes. He cannot beat this thing by himself. It is good that he can talk to you about it. This site has helped me so much in the past week. My last gamble was last Saturday and one day at a time, I have not gambled this week. Each day is a miracle.
Your son will need to make the move toward recovery by asking for help. He will need help from someone who has been there and knows exactly how to help him. Family unfortunately is not enough, love is not enough, this disease needs a dose of reality right between the eyes.
You may want to show your son this site and see if he can introduce himself and get to know more about recovery from gambling. The first step is the hardest. The rest is just plain old fashioned hard work!!
crazylady
Hello, and thank you for your reply.
I have talked to my son tonight (he lives 85 miles away). He is positive, and determined to beat this. I do not know what steps he is going to take to help himself. He works long shifts every other week, and I will not be able to talk to him long for a few days. I will mention this site to him, and hope he will join in the discussions here. It looks like a great support group.
I do not know if he will be attending GA meetings. I will suggest it to him. I do believe it would help alot for him to have someone to talk to that has been through this. He has the book, 'Don't Leave It to Chance,' and has read some of it. I believe it is a good book, and may help if he would read it.
My Son Has Gambling Problem Finding
I have two questions I would like to ask:
Have any of you read the book 'Comped' by Bill Kearney? If so, did you find it helpful? Have you read the book '7 Steps to Overcoming Gambling Addiction for Life'?
Also, on this web site in the 'financial service' section, there is a program to help with financial problems. Have any of you tried this, and did you find it helpful? I am thinking that debt consolidation might help. I believe, though, that any one considering debt consolidation should cut up all credit cards first, and do NOT get any more.
I thank you for your time.
My Son Has Gambling Problem Solving
I am glad I found this site. I am wondering if it is for the gambling addicted person only. You have made me feel welcome, though.
Thank you again, and good luck to all of you!!
hello Jane,
Keep supporting him no matter what. Do not ever bail him out or give him any money to get by on.. that will just make it worse for him and harder to stop gambling. He has to be accountable to someone, he must put himself on an allowance and turn everything else over to someone else he can trust to hold on to his money and help him pay his bills. He has to be willing to stop gambling and work a recovery that will help keep him away from this addiction.. Meetings, calling other cgs for support, groups like this.. He is so young to be a cg. help him now.. Find out all you can about this disease and follow thru with getting him help.. too many young people are addicted to gambling and many end up wanting to commit suicide because of the depression.. Stay in touch with him everyday, several times a day if you have too.. I do wish the best for you and your son. I have three grown kids, Its so hard on us when they suffer with an addiction.. stay strong and never give up. Hugs Audrey
Hi Jane, what a wonderful mum he has, I hope he comes to realise that before he uses you, because if he continues he will grind (let me correct myself, his addiction will) grind you to the ground.
Like a drug addict in desperation for a fix, we are no different; it is all about the similarities. I started my addiction by being introduced to machines my mother. She to this day is an addict but will never admit it. Yet she watched my life go down the drain and she is still going.
I have helped myself and she hasn't. Your young fella needs to help himself Jane. How does not matter as much as when he decides to stop. Anytime is a good time and ask him to make himself a promise not to gamble today, before dinner etc if he needs to break it down. Let the future come to him and take it a bit at a time.
I have not gambled for 27 odd months now and it has been a day at a time. Sure tough sometimes but that is why I keep busy on places like this. Or my own blog (online diary) Ask him to go have a good read of mine called Lost Wallets and other lies here
We do not know each other but I will guarantee you he will relate to it. I suggest every gambler on earth get one of these. It is very liberating, can be private or for the world to see, can include anything form thoughts, confessions to funny stories etc but the thing it does best Jane is lift a huge wait off your shoulders. This also helps if he is reluctant to go to GA or group sessions. I see someone once a month these days one on one.
Let us know how you go, email me anytime
My Son Has Gambling Problem Among
My Son Has Gambling Problem Involving
Take care
Rob
Hello to all of you,
Thank you all so much for being there. I am so glad I found this site. Thank you crazylady, audrey, and rob for your replies. You all have been such a help, and a comfort. I worry that I am in contact with my son too often. We usually talk at least once a day. He is a wonderful son, and it is so hard to see him being torn up by this terrible addiction. Yes Audrey, it is hard on us when our children suffer an addiction. I try to be strong and not let his addiction 'grind me to the ground', but to be honest with you, at times it does. Some nights I lie awake all night, tossing and turning, crying and shaking. This is the other side of addiction. But I know I have to try to stay strong, not just for myself, but for all of my family. (I, too, have three grown kids.) My husband seems to handle it all much easier, but inside I know he is hurting.
My Son Has Gambling Problem Related
Rob, I do not know you, nor any one else here, but I am proud of you and the others that have stopped gambling. Wow, 27 months! Be proud of yourself. I can not understand this addiction from the side of an addict, but I can understand it from my side: having watched what my son has gone through for the last 5-6 years,(slowly getting worse) and from having read about this disease. Actually, I once worked in a casino. I saw people come into the casino with their monthly social security checks, gamble it away, and have nothing to live on for the rest of the month.
'One day at a time' seems like a very good way to approach this. And, Rob, your blog will be a big help, I am sure! Thank you for sharing this!!
I talked to my son tonight, and he said he is as strong now in his conviction to stop as he was three days ago when he decided to stop gambling. He does not want to go to GA, I know he will need help somewhere---I will give him this site, the blog, and other info I have. He will have to want to help himself. I know he wants to, it just seems so hard from what I know of this addiction. Meeting all of you, and seeing that you are strong and on the road to recovery is encouraging. The gamblock is a good thing to know about. One of the problems is we live in the state of Nevada---yep, gambling is everywhere. He likes to do sports betting, and he is afraid he will not enjoy sports as much. I guess that when you are recovering from this addiction you have to learn to live your life over, in a sense.
I am sorry for going on for so long. I have one more thing: I have, in the past loaned my son money. (Alot) As have others. I now know that was wrong. This is one of the ways this addiction affects others; you hurt because the person has lost this money, you love him, and want to help, you think that you will loan the money, the situation will be resolved, everyone will feel better, and maybe, just maybe, this will be the time that he will see what he is doing and be able to stop. Of course, by giving the money we only enable them to continue with the gambling. You love this person, and this is hard to see, but it is important to know.
Thank you all.............
jane